two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
