You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
