im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
