Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
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He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
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It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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