I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
