If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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