Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
