uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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