That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
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level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
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so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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