do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I think I won the penis lottery.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
