I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
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Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
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she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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