i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
