She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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