He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
