A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So many bounce houses so little time
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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