kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
