i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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