Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
