so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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