You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
