I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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