Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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