when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
