There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
