I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
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you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
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I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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