Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
