I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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