i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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