so explain again why im purple
no
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
