I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
