I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
