I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
