the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
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