Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
