me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
