It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
