can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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