White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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