i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
