If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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