my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
