The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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