I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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