I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
