nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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