I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I supernannyed him into submission
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
