Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
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