she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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