Will you blow on my dice?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
