the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
