You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
