did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
