I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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