I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
